Best Jokes

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date she took off her shoe lases and said spaghetti

Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?

He mist.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Whats the difference between a lambo and a boner

Your sister didnt give me a lambo

Chinese Names — Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

What do you get when a dinosaur farts a blast from the past

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? nothing, they just WAVED. can you SEA what i did there? im SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? dont be a BEACH.

What’s under the bottom?

Your legs.

What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder

Stephen hawking

You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less

I pushed a kid on a wheelchair into the school fire and said “hot wheels”

A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there’s a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That’s great! You’re hired! " The man smiles. “Really? I’m so glad, because I really need this Yob.”

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed

Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

I know five fat people and you’re three of them