My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better… But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common? They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
My life Tell me when you get it
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end
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