Puns jokes

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

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There was a kidnapping at school…

Don?t worry, he woke up.

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

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Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

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The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

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Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

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