Straight jokes

A Woman exclaims that she was robbed she was reading in the dark candles were next to her on she says the thief opens her cabin of Jewelry and leaves and enters from the window.He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her.She turns the lights on and sees what happened.The candle wax was going down straight.A police man closes the window and cabin then tells her shes lying just for the cash reward.Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in the candle wax would be dripping to the side not straight!

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I KNOW IT’S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it’s time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

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Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”

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Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

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Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.

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I asked what LGBTQ stands for and I couldn’t get straight answer??

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A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds “Oh. I’m terribly sorry. You see, I’m so gay I can’t even park straight.”

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: “Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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I’m so gay I could barely think straight.

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I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

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Everyone: so wait let me get this straight feminist want to cancel fathers day because it is offensive to single mothers

Feminist: correct

Everyone: THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF MOTHERS DAY

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How do you find out if your kid is gay? Lock him in a closet and if he comes out his gay if not his dead straight.

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I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised

*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)

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One day i visited my friend in a hospital I remember when i spoke “You know, sometimes it’s reaching its peak and its lowest state, but i know you’ll always end like the others at calming and straight” Yes, i talked about heart monitor beside him

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