Best Jokes

Roses are red, fishers are fishing, I really hope, you’ll be reported missing.

My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying

It ain’t always easy having erectile dysfunction but it sure as hell ain’t hard

Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick right. and he walked passed this fish market, he took a deep breath and said " WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES"

Why was the train late?

It kept getting side-tracked.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today? (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka. (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well I quit! (Kid) Quit What? (Bus Driver) Living. (Kid) But it was a joke! (Bus Driver) Doesn’t matter. I will die but you will still be alive. (Kid) Ok (Bus Driver) That was a joke too!

Whats the difference between Chris Brown and Santa.

Santa stops at 3 hoes

What’s the difference between Issac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Issac Newton dies a virgin.

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on how hard you through them.???

How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

Put on fresh plaster and wall paper

Paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

What do you get when a dinosaur farts a blast from the past

Yo mama so fat her swimming is sea world

Question- What happend to the depresses kid who tried to high 5 a tree? Answer- He was left hanging

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said "in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Ole Ole Ole!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE! !!’ ‘OLE OLE OLE OLE!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

There was once a man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe While dreaming of Venus He played with his penis And awoke with a hand full of goo