Best Jokes

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

2 nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

What’s A Squirrels Favourite OTT? Nut-Flix

So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14,16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.

The weekly family zoom call went well enough…until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little…plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.

So the father waited until he’d talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.

“Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”

“No, Pop, we haven’t seen anyone since we left the city,” his son told him earnestly. “And we sure haven’t gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!”

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig

She started crying

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?

What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

How do you find out if your kid is gay? Lock him in a closet and if he comes out his gay if not his dead straight.

I don’t ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that’s not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast, I put out lit candles…like damn, I thought I hid my ring