Dark Humor

I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

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My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”

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The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

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Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

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My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

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I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

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I don’t see why people say that emo kid doesn’t like to hangout I seen them hanging all day.

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What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

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I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.

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