Dark Humor

what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog

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Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

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What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")

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Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging

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My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”

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My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

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Yes I’m CUTE C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty

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I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)

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What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs

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are you a rope? bc i wanna hang with you

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

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yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry

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i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

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