Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
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