What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry
a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
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