Waiting jokes

Why Didnt The Skeleton Go To Prom? He Was Dead. You Fool. You Fell For My Trick. Im Very Heartless- Oh Wait YOU FOOL-

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An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him. The next day the old man and his lawyer

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait

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Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your

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A man walks into a bar and there is a line of people waiting to punch him. Yeah that was the punch line.

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Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans, their parents will get mad. Oh…Wait…Continue.

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My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

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A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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Once there was this Whichdoctor, he walked barefoot most of the time which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little and the food gave him bad breath. Which made him (wait for it), A Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

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I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

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everyone: so wait let me get this straight feminist want to cancel fathers day because it is offensive to single mothers feminist: correct everyone: THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF MOTHERS DAY

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If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

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I really hate waiting to die… Its taking a lifetime

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