There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
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