Best Jokes

Why did the man get fired from work cause he took 2 days off in febuary

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit

Why cant emos come out of the closet to their parents? because they wont be there to stick around

What’s green then red all over?

A frog in a blender!:)

Whats green and sticky? … a stick.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

Roses are red, fishers are fishing, I really hope, you’ll be reported missing.

I was given my Electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me cauz I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up too.

What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman?

Transparent

My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.

A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?

He doesn’t have legs

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That’s the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, “Go say something back. Here, I’ll hold your monkey for you!”

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there’s a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that’s fine she replys but if I have htm title=' before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.'>to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.