Straight jokes

Me: Gay puns are the best!! Also me: but im straight tho

Why can’t gay people play Baseball they can’t through the ball straight.

So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”

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(pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -

"Hey how "bout that Donald Trump chump… what the f@ck up with that dude, man?

“Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” ( leap week, muthafukas!)

... "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

You’re so ugly you make Gay/Lesbian people straight

People call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents, i love working at the orphanage

At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

I don’t ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that’s not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast, I put out lit candles…like damn, I thought I hid my ring

You know what me and my spine both have in common we are both not straight

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said “I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we’re there, I’d also like to take our relationship to the next level.” “I’m there” the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked “do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?” the boy replied " “I plan on getting busy all weekend. I’m not gonna stop pounding her till I’m black and blue. Give me the family pack.” “Sure thing” said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, “you never told me that you were so religious” the boy replied, “You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist”

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop the rook goes straight while the bishop f@cks the kids

My friend said to me that I am gay my response I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night

A gay guy asked me for directions so I told him to go straight

Going to church, you don’t think, you are Christian. Sleeping with ten men, You don’t think, you are straight.

I was doing a race and I started after everyone cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn’t even race, not because I was behind, because I can’t go straight, if i’m gay…

A Woman exclaims that she was robbed she was reading in the dark candles were next to her on she says the thief opens her cabin of Jewelry and leaves and enters from the window.He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her.She turns the lights on and sees what happened.The candle wax was going down straight.A police man closes the window and cabin then tells her shes lying just for the cash reward.Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in the candle wax would be dripping to the side not straight!