Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree To bad he left him hanging
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
All my jokes are cys for help INCLUDING THIS ONE
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
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