Dream jokes

The pope drives around in a glass box or as I like to call him a snipers dream

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When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

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Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

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There was once a man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe While dreaming of Venus He played with his penis And awoke with a hand full of goo

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If your sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you Or you don’t wake up, and you were on your way to hell

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Me: I have a dream

Mom: what?

Me: for you to f@cking shut up

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I had the BEST day EVER. 1:I woke up 2:I met someone im sad of 3:I had fun and got them back again online. But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st… XD

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You realize your in a parodox,until you die,you’ll see yourself die,Murder,Suicide,Old Age,Etc Then your realize your dreaming,but you realize that you die in a dream you die irl

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People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

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An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.

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My best friend said can you put your dick in me i said can i cum in u?

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Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

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So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

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You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice/dreams.

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Sniff a liter of petrol You’ll go back to the dream time at

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