What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
Wife:Honey im pregnant
Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad
Wife:No you’re not
What is a lion call as a baby cocota
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it Leaves and never comes back
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!” Guess who dies next.
Guess who dies next.
Whats the difference between a lambo and a boner
Your sister didnt give me a lambo
When Bubba’s condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
Most states:
“It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.”
Alabama:
“She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
RUS | ENG
