Guys my sisters pregnant! Im finally a dad!
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
RUS | ENG
