Hell jokes

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

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aw hell naw dey turned spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

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Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life. I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

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3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

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So… here’s da scoop, alright… licks KFC off lips so, I was caught, having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean? I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: “Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?” Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me? But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13! Alas, I’m writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I’ll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

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THE ORPHANS ALL DIED!!! oh wait, no one cares… THEIR PARENTS ARE ALL DEAD ANYWAY, we are just making them happier, they get to join their parents in hell

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Cradles-By Sub Urban and watersharky Music Productions- I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep I love everything Fire’s spreading all around my room My world’s so bright It’s hard to breathe but that’s alright Hush Shh Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no) Why can’t you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days And some days I can’t tell if my body belongs to me I love everything Fire’s spreading all around my room My world’s so bright It’s hard to breathe but that’s alright Hush Shh I wanna taste your content Hold your breath and feel the tension Devils hide behind redemption Honesty is a one-way gate to hell I wanna taste consumption Breathe faster to waste oxygen Hear the children sing aloud It’s music "til the wick burns out Hush Just wanna be care free lately, yeah Just kicking up daisies Got one too many quarters in my pockets Count "em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket Untied laces, yeah Just tripping on daydreams Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep

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A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”

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Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you.

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do you know what the equivalent to hell is theses days listening to your teacher not haveing your phone/ game / tv not haveing niccotine

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Jaylie ??: I don’t care, what he said was so out of line! Harvey ??: It’s funny! Jaylie?? : He said “Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!” That’s not funny, harv! Harvey ??: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance? Jaylie ??: Sorry but I’m a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known! Harvey??: That’s not true! Jaylie ??: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive! Harvey ??: SHUSH!!! Kalierien??: Hi guys hows your day? Harvey??: Good! Jaylie ??: Mine was like living in hell! Kalierien: ??SAME!!!

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So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me????

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