Life jokes

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack

I always hit on 16, the get busted

When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time…

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!

It says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.

Thankfully I’m still alive because I fail at everything in life.

I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing

How do you know when an orphan is lying.

When they say I swear on my mother’s life

Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.???

If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence

My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships

There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.

I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.

If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.

You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting

Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen

Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya

Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented

I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.

Guy 2: Is it a hard life?

Guy: Yup

Guy 2: Then you can’t kill yourself LOL

Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the “game”

%%He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.