What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs?
— Because they can’t run.
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife”
Priest, “how so?”
Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all”
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again”
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!”
Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f… altar boys
Whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest
Nothing… they both stick their meat in ten year old buns
Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, “Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?” The priest says, “Because I’m a father.” Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.” The priest says “You don’t understand, son. I have thousands of children. ” Johnny says, “You should wear your f@ckin’ trousers backwards.”
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.
‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.
‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.
And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’
To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’
To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’
What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?” To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
My uncle was a preist he had a two-inch penis but when it was in my ass it felt like a torpedo
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest
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