Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
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