Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!
The inmates are yelling 12…12…12… in the courtyard. A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12…12…12… so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye. Moments later they start chanting 13…13…13…
What does Kobe and the Twin towers have in common? The pilots just couldn’t stick the landing Wow that was explosive! Man I’m on fire ?? today
when little johnny was about 3 he got curious and stuck his hand up a maniquins pants and his mom says no little johnny there is teeth up there that will bite off your hand little johnny thing oh no i cant do that again. a few years later he was 15 and he had a gf and they were making out and she says why dont you ever stick your hand up my pants he says on no my mom says there is teeth that will bite off my hand up there she says no there isnt just look little johnny looks and says well no wonder there aint no teeth by the way them gums look.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of you mouth, while the other one doesn’t!
Sticks and stones may break my bones but there will always be something that offends feminists.
fat man coming in the store waiter oh god not again :| fat man : hi i would like 3 fries and 19 burgers waiter : sorry sir you will get the owners store out of stock on food can i get you a salad instead? fat man : oh sorry but im the owner and i have alot of stocks the for he record you should get yourself a my order your skinny af gurl you trading to be a stick or something?
What does a stick say when it falls down- Wood you help me up
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What ya call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick
Whats brown and sticky? … A stick. Get your head out of the gutters…Jeez.
What’s tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three equals six)
What do call a stick with a string on the end of it… A fshingpole
I used to have a phobia of pogo-sticks. Those things always made me jump.
RUS | ENG
