When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
What do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
FIRST DATE
Man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
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